if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
