I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
