oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
