I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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