This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
