My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
