we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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