I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize