we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
