i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
