1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
vagina is talking i cant
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
