so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
