Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
