it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
