I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
