she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
