I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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