Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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