Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
