i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
