Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
