tell your sister to shave her snatch
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
