How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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