I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
