A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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