I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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