Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
