Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
