Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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