Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
