i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
