so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
