God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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