The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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