yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
