I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
