Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
