T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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