Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
