You smell like stripper and shame
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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