Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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