I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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