so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nicole vs. Life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
