I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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