come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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