Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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