In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
