No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
