I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize