i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
