The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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