So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
