Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
