covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
