I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
