I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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