Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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