he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
