i think i have two assholes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize