meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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