i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
