Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
