I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
