she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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