Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
