phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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