dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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