Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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