Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
