Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
