there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
