The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
