Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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