I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
