you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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