Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
