if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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