Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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