I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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