Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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