new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Randomize
