What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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