Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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