I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize