I will die if light touches me.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
