Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
