He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
