So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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