When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
