I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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