okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize