Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
