how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
