i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
