a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are we still banned from the library?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
