I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we should paint friendship bongs
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