i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
