I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
false alarm. still invincible.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
