I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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