Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
