im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
